Train Stations & Ghosting – Dating in 2016

“Then the feeling moves on. It does not collapse; it is not whisked away. It simply moves on, like a train that stops at a small country station, stands for a while, and then continues out of sight.”

I’m waiting for this to happen.

I feel like there is a constant need for me to have a man in my life, to entertain me, to give me affirmations, to have sex, to talk to…But they never stay.

Remember how I talked to God and asked him to clear my path of men that weren’t right for me? Remember how I said that I needed to walk back in on faith instead of just leaving it to when I want it? I’m still not letting it happen.

I am trying to take the reins and get disappointed when I don’t get what I want. The signs are all there, back off, this one isn’t right, he is the one losing out, he’s not what you need/want. Let go. Instead I try to keep making it work just for the sake of having a man in my life.

I want to go back to dating pre-2002, where if a guy didn’t like you, he told you and dumped you…not 2016 where they ghost their way out of your life.

Ghosting
The act of suddenly ceasing all communication with someone the subject is dating, but no longer wishes to date. This is done in hopes that the ghostee will just “get the hint” and leave the subject alone, as opposed to the subject simply telling them he/she is no longer interested. Ghosting is not specific to a certain gender and is closely related to the subject’s maturity and communication skills. Many attempt to justify ghosting as a way to cease dating the ghostee without hurting their feelings, but it in fact proves the subject is thinking more of themselves, as ghosting often creates more confusion for the ghostee than if the subject kindly stated how he/she feels.

I straight up hate every variation of this word and would like to stab the person who created this trend in the eye with a dull nail. Ok, maybe not that violent but seriously-it’s the worst feeling in the entire world. Especially when you go from “I had a great time tonight” to ….. Crickets.

Dating today is like fishing. You put your lure in the water and leave it out there for a bit until you’ve got a fish, you go to reel it in and right when you pull it out of the water, the fish jumps off and swims away-leaving you to never see the fish again.

So…I had a date on Saturday. He was great. He was everything I’ve been looking for and everything I thought I wanted, but I haven’t heard from him since. Oddly, he had friended me on facebook when we first started talking, and he’s stayed my friend even though he refuses to talk to me. Of course, I probably screwed up by sleeping with him, and I know that now. I need to focus more on what seems right at the time, to what can happen down the road.

This of course goes to my decision of men too. I pick these guys who seem to be what I want, but they turn out to be a giant douche. I guess that means that I think i want a giant douche instead of a decent man. The decent men don’t strike my interest. I get bored talking to them and often I find myself trying to figure out how to ghost them myself. I can sincerely say that I won’t be ghosting anyone else ever again.

The last thing this leaves me with is this; if I prayed for my path to be cleared for the person that is right for me…What if the only person that stays on that path is Levi? I’m trying to move on, but really what does moving on mean? I know the quote above says that it just happens one day-you just stop at a station, wait for a bit and then the station slowly rolls out of sight and you’ve let go…That’s never happened for me and maybe that’s why I chose the quote that I did. I want for the train to leave the station if it’s supposed to, I’m trying to not keep control over that situation anymore.

I guess my point in all of this, is no matter how hard you try…No matter how many horoscopes you read, lessons you learn, boys you meet, men you don’t meet, you just can’t take the reigns and determine who you’re supposed to be with, even if it seems like they fit like a glove-or in this case, even if they stay on the train longer than you want them to.

4 thoughts on “Train Stations & Ghosting – Dating in 2016

  1. I don’t know what your name is, but this is a really well-written essay on ghosting. I happened to have posted a blog just yesterday on this same topic. I have several ideas from the male perspective that might help you avoid the pain of dating some of the creeps you are encountering. No, I’m not suggesting you date me, I just know that there are some effective ways to meet and judge people that are better than the methods that most people employ.

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  2. This is so true, I can’t believe the amount of times this has happened to me and how much it sucks! So glad someone brought it to the light.

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  3. I cannot agree more with you about ghosting being a dominant way of bypassing people these days. To me, it is the most inhumane thing to do with anyone you are related with, anyhow. A human being ignoring another.

    I mean, just sample this: I am ghosting off a person who I so wished to spent more time every moment and more moments every time. What happened suddenly? Why am I behaving indifferently? Yes, there is something that is seriously not going well with me or the other person has not lived up to the image I have about him or her. But by ghosting off the person, have I thought what is going to happen with the other person who is expecting some response? While I am at ease, absolutely because I am committing ghosting, and, relatively, because, the other person is going to be at a greater dis-ease obviously, as he or she has no clue of what is going on in your mind. Why can’t I have the courage to walk up to the person and say the truth, that this is what I don’t like about what is going on between us or this is what I hate about you and this is why I want to walk away, or this is what I can’t take any more? Yes, I may be cursed by a person who may not be able to take my decision or what I have to say, immediately. So what, why do I not have the courage to take that curse. Why should I be safe all the time and hurt the other person? Why do I take the other person for granted? So inhuman I am. So selfish that I think from my point of view alone.

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