“Then the feeling moves on. It does not collapse; it is not whisked away. It simply moves on, like a train that stops at a small country station, stands for a while, and then continues out of sight.”
I’m waiting for this to happen.
I feel like there is a constant need for me to have a man in my life, to entertain me, to give me affirmations, to have sex, to talk to…But they never stay.
Remember how I talked to God and asked him to clear my path of men that weren’t right for me? Remember how I said that I needed to walk back in on faith instead of just leaving it to when I want it? I’m still not letting it happen.
I am trying to take the reins and get disappointed when I don’t get what I want. The signs are all there, back off, this one isn’t right, he is the one losing out, he’s not what you need/want. Let go. Instead I try to keep making it work just for the sake of having a man in my life.
I want to go back to dating pre-2002, where if a guy didn’t like you, he told you and dumped you…not 2016 where they ghost their way out of your life.
The act of suddenly ceasing all communication with someone the subject is dating, but no longer wishes to date. This is done in hopes that the ghostee will just “get the hint” and leave the subject alone, as opposed to the subject simply telling them he/she is no longer interested. Ghosting is not specific to a certain gender and is closely related to the subject’s maturity and communication skills. Many attempt to justify ghosting as a way to cease dating the ghostee without hurting their feelings, but it in fact proves the subject is thinking more of themselves, as ghosting often creates more confusion for the ghostee than if the subject kindly stated how he/she feels.
I straight up hate every variation of this word and would like to stab the person who created this trend in the eye with a dull nail. Ok, maybe not that violent but seriously-it’s the worst feeling in the entire world. Especially when you go from “I had a great time tonight” to ….. Crickets.
Dating today is like fishing. You put your lure in the water and leave it out there for a bit until you’ve got a fish, you go to reel it in and right when you pull it out of the water, the fish jumps off and swims away-leaving you to never see the fish again.
So…I had a date on Saturday. He was great. He was everything I’ve been looking for and everything I thought I wanted, but I haven’t heard from him since. Oddly, he had friended me on facebook when we first started talking, and he’s stayed my friend even though he refuses to talk to me. Of course, I probably screwed up by sleeping with him, and I know that now. I need to focus more on what seems right at the time, to what can happen down the road.
This of course goes to my decision of men too. I pick these guys who seem to be what I want, but they turn out to be a giant douche. I guess that means that I think i want a giant douche instead of a decent man. The decent men don’t strike my interest. I get bored talking to them and often I find myself trying to figure out how to ghost them myself. I can sincerely say that I won’t be ghosting anyone else ever again.
The last thing this leaves me with is this; if I prayed for my path to be cleared for the person that is right for me…What if the only person that stays on that path is Levi? I’m trying to move on, but really what does moving on mean? I know the quote above says that it just happens one day-you just stop at a station, wait for a bit and then the station slowly rolls out of sight and you’ve let go…That’s never happened for me and maybe that’s why I chose the quote that I did. I want for the train to leave the station if it’s supposed to, I’m trying to not keep control over that situation anymore.
I guess my point in all of this, is no matter how hard you try…No matter how many horoscopes you read, lessons you learn, boys you meet, men you don’t meet, you just can’t take the reigns and determine who you’re supposed to be with, even if it seems like they fit like a glove-or in this case, even if they stay on the train longer than you want them to.