Letting go and letting God…or maybe just relaxing a bit

“You can’t control everything. Sometimes you just need to relax and have faith that things will work out. Let go a little and just let life happen.”

Ok. I screwed up.

Turns out the guy that I went out with this weekend isn’t ghosting me, but is instead in New Mexico at his grandmothers funeral.

I feel like a TOTAL asshole.

Wait, no I don’t feel like an asshole, but more that I’m embarassed that I’ve allowed so many other situations come into this one. I’ve been ghosted before, and it leaves you feeling less than inadequate.

So my question is…When do we shake the bad juju from the past and replace it with good juju in hopes for a better future with someone? When do we stop letting the mistakes of the past dictate how we react to things that are happening in the present?

It’s no secret that I’m 33 and have been married 3 times. The first husband came out shortly after our 4 year anniversary, the second was a serial cheater who cheated over 80 times (that is a WHOLE other story), and the 3rd beat the crap out of me on a regular basis. I finally got the courage to leave him after he tried to kill me.

Somehow though, through all of those circumstances, the only thing that has stuck with me is the cheating. I’m immediately suspicious that the man I’m with is cheating if things don’t add up to me..I don’t think ‘hey, maybe so and so just has something going on’ I think ‘hey, this doesn’t make sense so he must have someone else.’ So the question still remains, when do we shake off the bad juju and bring in the new, good juju giving someone a chance with a clean slate instead of them having to dodge every piece of baggage that you chose to throw at them at any given time?

I am notorious for automatically assuming the negative prior to even considering the positive. This guy is a perfect example. I don’t hear from him for a couple of days and then WHAM! he’s ‘ghosting’ me, instead of having life altering issues that he can’t control.

This also falls into letting go and letting God-hoping that He’ll steer me in the right direction instead of taking me in a direction where I would deliberately get hurt.

But honestly, how often do we as Christians, or people in general take into account that there is a reason that person has come into your life; they’re either a blessing, or a lesson-nothing more, nothing less.

I’ve tried to make pacts with myself that I’m going to start thinking more positively when it comes to relationships. That I won’t assume the worst, but instead think that that person is a blessing instead of instantly assuming that they are a lesson.

So.

This guy is a great guy and I’m hoping for the best this time. I think that he could really work, if only I’d let my own brain just settle for a minute and think that all things aren’t bad. There may be clouds, but somewhere out there the sun is still shining and I’ll get there eventually.

8 thoughts on “Letting go and letting God…or maybe just relaxing a bit

  1. Any new relationship is challenging. It becomes harder when we hold onto to the pain and disappointment of the past. I have been someone on both end of the spectrums. I was the one who was lying and cheating but it happened after I was lied to and cheated on by a former ex. I became very cynical about relationships and commitment. When I realized it was me holding onto the pain and insecurities that I had from a former relationship I was able to finally take a step of faith with someone. I am not going to say it is easy nothing worthy having is easy but the complications we place in a relationship instead of facing our inner issues before we start a relationship. You have to be happy with yourself before you can find happiness with someone else.

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  2. Hey. I have read a few posts from you. I have to say something to you from my own experience about my life and it’s close reading, only with a thought that of being of some help to you. I hope you are courageous enough to take what I have to say to you, or, may be totally ignore if you find it inappropriate and/or irrelevant.

    You are impulsive(undue haste and lack of thought). And, that has clearly everything to do with the experiences of the past, your mind’s conditioning towards them, your ways of dealing with them and your reactions to those experiences. It is like the taste of experiences makes you evaluate them and you react in a certain way to either have more of such experiences or completely avoid them, become aversive, and, then over a period of time your reaction solidifies. Such is your condition then that even without your knowing, you would react to a certain situation just at the sight of a certain similarity with something you have experienced in the past. So, I won’t blame you completely for being impulsive because there are innumerable factors of the past converging into making you that which you are at this moment. But, I would blame you, partially, if you have continued to see that you are being impulsive and not got down to understand the reasons for being so. However, the fact of this moment remains that you are impulsive, at least to me. Sorry, but I feel that letting you know this would be a means of helping you and mind you that your knowing is not enough, but understanding it to it’s depth and accepting it is very important. Only that can bring some change.

    Your excessive hankering to have someone, something or some result is the primary cause for your impulsivity. Do you see this? The whole hankering clouds your mind and you are not able to reason at all. Therefore, your reaction is a conditioned one. And, see the magic of conditioning, you will unknowing end up reacting the same way innumberable times. And, you will not be able to break this habit pattern unless you allow reasoning come in. And, reasoning can’t come in till you hanker. So the question is why do you hanker and how do you control or completely stop hankering?

    Do you know why do you hanker for something, someone or some result or achievement? Try asking yourself these questions. I would like to write more, after listening from you. I am sure you won’t oblige and your ignoring to write, and won’t be considered ghosting.

    Cheers.

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  3. I think that the key to life is being self-sufficient. You shouldn’t need anyone. You should want them. And yes people can and will hurt us. Life can and will beat us up. But if you accept that every bad experience, every innocent mistake is just a part of life, a lesson and move on, everything will be easier.
    I think just by realising and expressing your thoughts is half a battle won.

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  4. I’m celebrating my 30th anniversary this year; it’s my 3rd marriage. There was a space of 9 years between my second and third marriage. I needed to feel OK about myself before I committed. It was a good thing because I was still so unprepared. I didn’t know it at the time, but I wanted someone who had also pulled themselves up and struggled. That means you get baggage. The alternative is a relationship with someone who doesn’t understand baggage. We need relationships, but we don’t need to make them work.

    I think you are someone who has successfully moved on from relationships when they’ve gone bad. Being able to leave a bad relationship is a mature act. Constantly reassure yourself you are loveable and you’re steering yourself to a better life, even if it isn’t an easy road; it’s OK. Be responsible for what you take on. Saving a drowning person is dangerous and different from knowing someone who nearly drowned.

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  5. The good juju starts when you decide that enough is enough. I’ve been struggling with that myself. You have to decide to make the best of every moment and not let the past creep into them. No, it won’t be easy. Yes, you will fight with that every day, but it is a fight worth fighting.

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  6. Pray for guidance & strength what God has for you will be for you don’t beat yourself up about it.. I’m new to this site by the way just scrolling & checking out a few post hope you don’t mind my input!!

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