“You can’t control everything. Sometimes you just need to relax and have faith that things will work out. Let go a little and just let life happen.”
Ok. I screwed up.
Turns out the guy that I went out with this weekend isn’t ghosting me, but is instead in New Mexico at his grandmothers funeral.
I feel like a TOTAL asshole.
Wait, no I don’t feel like an asshole, but more that I’m embarassed that I’ve allowed so many other situations come into this one. I’ve been ghosted before, and it leaves you feeling less than inadequate.
So my question is…When do we shake the bad juju from the past and replace it with good juju in hopes for a better future with someone? When do we stop letting the mistakes of the past dictate how we react to things that are happening in the present?
It’s no secret that I’m 33 and have been married 3 times. The first husband came out shortly after our 4 year anniversary, the second was a serial cheater who cheated over 80 times (that is a WHOLE other story), and the 3rd beat the crap out of me on a regular basis. I finally got the courage to leave him after he tried to kill me.
Somehow though, through all of those circumstances, the only thing that has stuck with me is the cheating. I’m immediately suspicious that the man I’m with is cheating if things don’t add up to me..I don’t think ‘hey, maybe so and so just has something going on’ I think ‘hey, this doesn’t make sense so he must have someone else.’ So the question still remains, when do we shake off the bad juju and bring in the new, good juju giving someone a chance with a clean slate instead of them having to dodge every piece of baggage that you chose to throw at them at any given time?
I am notorious for automatically assuming the negative prior to even considering the positive. This guy is a perfect example. I don’t hear from him for a couple of days and then WHAM! he’s ‘ghosting’ me, instead of having life altering issues that he can’t control.
This also falls into letting go and letting God-hoping that He’ll steer me in the right direction instead of taking me in a direction where I would deliberately get hurt.
But honestly, how often do we as Christians, or people in general take into account that there is a reason that person has come into your life; they’re either a blessing, or a lesson-nothing more, nothing less.
I’ve tried to make pacts with myself that I’m going to start thinking more positively when it comes to relationships. That I won’t assume the worst, but instead think that that person is a blessing instead of instantly assuming that they are a lesson.
This guy is a great guy and I’m hoping for the best this time. I think that he could really work, if only I’d let my own brain just settle for a minute and think that all things aren’t bad. There may be clouds, but somewhere out there the sun is still shining and I’ll get there eventually.