“You can tell so much about someone, by the way they leave you.”
Yep…on so many accounts.
The end came kind of unexpectedly, but not at the same time. I woke up Saturday morning to find that Sir had not only deleted me from Facebook, but blocked me as well. Without a single word, literally I was left with the crickets that I had been hearing all week.
As you recall, no less than 8 days ago, I posted about the L Word. Like literally, I was told no more than 15 days ago that he was in love with me. Why would you say that if you planned on disappearing at the first chance you got?
I don’t think I’ve really felt the loss. I just am sitting here utterly shocked that any of this happened.
The think I neglected to post about Sir, is the reason he was called Sir.
I’m sure many of you can guess, but Sir was into some serious kink. The last time I saw him, I let my guard down and allowed some of the stuff that he wanted, and there’d be no argument from me that it left me pretty vulnerable. Especially when he took pictures. Yep, I’m THAT girl. I allowed myself to be photographed and now…He’s gone with pictures of me floating out in the world.
Judgements aside, I really did care about him. The L word scared the shit out of me. It’s heavy, and obviously when you don’t know if they’re staying or going…And he did not have a good track record. Stupidly I fell for it.
Here’s the emotional cutting. I keep listening to music that he listened too, I keep hoping that he’ll text me out of the blue. I keep double checking to see if he unblocked me on Facebook. I keep…I keep…I keep.
Since I love to ask questions-some rhetorical, some legit…Here’s my question. Why do we keep hoping for something we know is bad for us? Why do we keep wanting that back, when we know the hurt and the wreckage it can cause? He was like a hurricane coming through, calm in the middle but complete, utter disaster in the wake of it.
I prayed for a good guy, I didn’t get it…yet here I sit thinking that Sir is still better than the Ginger. Nevermind the fact that Ginger is helping me take care of some serious business tonight that I should forever be grateful for.
I’m an asshole. I serious asshole.
There’s one more piece of information here that rocks my whole world. I’m pregnant. And it’s Sirs. I text messaged him to tell him, he didn’t even respond with a single word. Now what?