It’s Your Tail You’re Chasing

“Well this moment is heavy
For me I’m not ready
Like a caged bird barely set free
Forgive me I’m finding my wings

While my body is present
My heart is absent
In my mind is racing
My feet are pacing

It’s your tail you’re chasing
It’s your past I’m erasing
And a heart can’t be tested
When it ain’t well-rested”

Hello my followers. I’m sorry it’s been so long. I’ve been finding myself and the drive to my current destination has been a little bumpy.

As I wrote in my first post to my old friend…I’ve been missing my friend terribly for the past couple of weeks. I hate friendship break ups, especially when they are permanent.

I met a boy.

He makes my heart skip a beat and makes me want to sail on a unicorn in rainbows with butterflies and flowers surrounding me. He-is the guy that makes me realize why it didn’t work with anyone else, and I’m hopelessly in love with him.

Well this moment is heavy for me-I’m not ready. Like a caged bird barely set free, forgive me I’m finding my wings.”

That about pegs me to a T right now. This feeling-is heavy. It’s not a bad suffocating heavy, it’s more like a…compression blanket laying on me and I’m ready to be a butterfly now.

It hasn’t been long since I started to try to find myself. It hasn’t been long since I found her, buried in the rubble of so many years passed, and so many heart breaks. It hasn’t been long that I’ve been on my own, really on my own and dependant upon myself. Sure…I’ve done this before. But THIS time, I am actually succeeding.

He wants to move in together. He wants to have two separate bedrooms, but lets face it, is that really possible? Can two people who are sleeping together (purely sleeping) really sleep in different rooms just because they exist?

“The thing about being single is, you should cherish it. Because, in a week, or a lifetime, of being alone, you may only get one moment. One moment, when you’re not tied up in a relationship with anyone. A parent, a pet, a sibling, a friend. One moment, when you stand on your own. Really, truly single. And then… It’s gone.”

I feel like this quote is absolutely beautiful but completely frightening at the same time. You really do have the choice, and only one moment where you aren’t tied up with someone and you can stand on your own mountain top and say to yourself, “this is me, and this is what I’m making myself to be”.

So, what should I do my friends?

Move in? Change things forever? Or wait. Apply the breaks and cost slowly down the hill in first gear while the beauty of the beginning of a relationship keep showing, and then when the beauty wears off, THEN make that decision?

You can always count on one thing when you’re in a relationship. Living with reckless abandon. It’s not very often that you put your parachute up and slowly drift to the earth. It’s more like you jumping out of a plane, head first with absolutely no stopping.

I think I might be done with reckless abandon.

 

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