“Maybe you were meant to be nothing more than an in-wasn’t-meant-to-be, so I can be that much more grateful for the one that’s meant to be.”
You know the one I’m talking about. The one where you breathe in and realize that your life has a peace that was missing for however many years that person was part of your life.
The breath you have when you realize that maybe, just maybe it doesn’t hurt as much as it used to. You don’t seek people out to tell them your sad story and how things ended, that instead you kind of smile at a stupid time, or funny experience.
The breath that fills your entire lungs and doesn’t just stop at the top because your heart is so swollen from all the tears and hurt.
The breath where you also know that even though today is peaceful, and you can breathe all the way to the bottom of your lungs…You’ll drink a bottle of wine and miss him more than you did the last time you drank a bottle of wine.
The breath that comes when you hear his name and want to know what is happening with him…or who he’s dating…or you want to tell him just how much you miss him.
Much like the ocean, that breath ebbs and flows and it will change in shallowness and deepness as the days go on.
Today though, I’m proud to say that I had the good breath. The one where I realized just how much more simple my life is now that I’m not wondering what his actions and/or words mean… Now that I’m not wondering if he loves me or loves me not.
The bottom line is…Today I realized, at least for the first time with him…That I’m really going to be okay. That my heart might crack from time to time missing him, or seeing his name on Facebook…But, really, I’m going to be okay.