I read a quote today-something along the lines of…Sometimes closure doesn’t come when you expect it-you could be just sitting there one day, and out of the blue, it happens.
Sometimes-no matter how much it hurts, no matter how hard you try to push it away-you HAVE to create your own ending.
It’s been almost a year since I heard your voice. I found myself going back to laying in your bed…how content I felt with you rubbing my back. How content I felt with the level of mediocrity that you had somehow sold to me as being normal. For three years I was okay with “catching a poke”, aka sleeping with you once or twice a week-convincing myself that affection from you, any affection was affection worth having.
I saw her today.
As awkward as I thought it’d be the first time we ran into each other-it wasn’t. Of course, she had no clue who I am…who I was…that when you first met her, you were sharing your bed with both of us. But for me, I guess I found some solace in knowing that you found someone that makes you happy.
I would be lying if I said that I never drove by your house…because I have. You bought a new truck, something you talked about doing for all of the years we were…seeing each other. I guess I can consider myself a stepping stone-the one you needed to step on to get to the better place. I wish…you were mine. Instead, some days I come across a song…or a memory hits me straight in the heart, and I’m there…trapped under your boot.
You are a good man.
Today, I think I’m going to create my own, very new ending.
At the end of every “relationship” I spend years pining away for someone…or just allowing time to heal my wounds. Sometimes folks, you gotta get some antibiotic ointment and make it feel and heal better a hell of a lot quicker.
Today is the last day I’m going to think about us as a…what could have been, but instead of a what we were. I’m not sure of the lesson you taught me yet, but I promise I’ll figure it out. And I can guarantee, that when I do, no matter how ‘happy’ you are with her, I’ll be a whole lot better off…because I acknowledge that we were…and you, you just ignore it.